“A wise and loving husband prepares his wife to be a widow.”

~Jeff

By Editor, Concierge Medicine Today

I turned 47 this year. I am not naive to the fact that may make me still just a kid to many of you reading this.

I’m also a parent of 3 kids, a husband who is routinely seeking to please and charm his wife despite my many flaws and mistakes.

Yet, as a husband, a Patient to my Doctor, a worrier about all things related to my aging parents I came across a few pieces of helpful advice I thought I would share with you!

I’ve heard this advice before echoed on radio shows, podcasts and financial planning commercials on occasion.

But this year it really stuck with me. As a Physician you are more self-aware than most that ‘one day’ will come for all of us.

I procrastinate just like you on this stuff. I’m constantly updating passwords and legacy planning is never fun. But, it’s a gift!

As we know from experience, this ‘stuff’ is going to be appreciated when the funeral is over because that’s when the real work begins.

Imagine trying to navigate passwords, email logins, photo downloads, life insurance policies, safety deposit boxes, probate court, family members and the general day-to-day operations of your practice (and maybe their business!) all the while attempting to grieve your loss.

I want to leave my family, my wife and my kids with something that will help them navigate the next few months or couple of years. I want to leave them with one last gift, of sorts.

You and I know that there’s so many details to your life, your practice and your finances that your spouse will now have to juggle.

As you continue to procrastinate, like me, I hope you’ll listen to this helpful advice I received recently: “I provide an annual financial report to my family. The week between Christmas and New Year’s Day (or Valentine’s Day!), I write an annual update on our finances and give it to my wife and her Dad. This includes an update on investments, account numbers and passwords, who to contact and suggestions on what to do with each investment.”

This might not sound very romantic and it’s difficult, especially if you don’t know where to start.

Before you sit down and write a one page letter, assemble the passwords and call some random legacy planning office, consider building a team of trusted advisers on paper first and include the contact information of these individuals for your spouse.

Anna Byrne, the founder of the Eckert Byrne law firm, based in Cambridge, Mass., and an estate planning attorney with over 25 years of experience, a widow herself, wrote the recently published book, “A Widow’s Guide,” to help women through the first year after losing a spouse. She writes “Once you have organized all necessary documents, you may not know where to go from there. That’s why it’s a good idea to build a team of trusted financial and legal advisers to help settle your partner’s estate. Your team should address all of the steps for completing probate and administering your partner’s estate. Taking the time to vet attorneys and advisers to choose the best qualified professionals may help you avoid additional hardships down the road.”

Here are some of the items I’ve put together in the one page letter to and for my wife IN ONE SPACE and ensure she knows where and what to do in the event something happens to me.

• Name and contact information of our Tax Accountant
• iPhone access code
• Insurance Policy numbers and insurance contact information.
• Most recent bank statement(s), pension information, real estate deeds, Social Security information, car titles, annuity contracts, investment accounts, retirement account statements such as from IRAs and 401(k)s, life insurance policies (check with your late partner’s employer to see if there are any group benefits), mortgage statements, credit card statements and any other information pertaining to things of value and/or investments, stock holdings or policies.
• Bank Account and Savings Account Numbers
• List of updated usernames, logins and passwords
• Facebook logins
• iPhone passwords logins
• Kids College savings accounts information and logins
• Email, Outlook and/or Gmail account logins
• Download of internet password and username history from browser
• Access to the past seven years of our tax returns in chronological order
• Copy of end of life documents (eg. Will, Trust, POA, Healthcare Directive, durable POA), etc.
• The location of your signed will, all estate planning documents, any trusts, buy/sell agreements, titles and/or extraneous writings incorporated in your will.
• USB with all of these documents
• How to request access to a deceased family member’s Apple account
• One-page contact list with phone numbers of people to notify/contact and purpose of each person on list as to why they should/need to be notified of your death.
• Notifications to friends, relatives, business associates and colleagues in charitable or civic groups you actively in the past year have worked with or for. It’s helpful to identify by name those persons whom should be contacted upon your death, noting any particular requests or messages they should be given, and list their current address and phone numbers.
• A copy of your “Tangible Personal Property Memorandum” in the event you have lots of personal items you want to pass to specific people amongst your family and friends.
• One final thank you note, pre-written, to those who are tasked with handling your estate (eg. Executor; Pastor; Brothers and Sisters; etc.)

Clark Howard, author and consumer advocate emphasized some additional points you may want to include in your letter you update/write to your spouse and/or kids each year:

• Funeral and burial arrangements: Where, by whom, what kind and at what cost
• Anatomical gifts: Identify the nature and location of any anatomical gift declarations you have made.
• Location of your safe-deposit box and its key.
• Memorials and contributions: Identify what organizations or institutions might be appropriate recipients of memorials or charitable donations made in your memory.
• Preparation of obituary: Should your obituary be prepared in advance and be updated periodically? To which newspaper should it be sent?
• Medical and hospital coverages and location of the policies.
• Social Security and Veterans’ Administration benefits: Identify current or potential benefits.
• Life insurance: Indicate where policies are located and what steps should be taken to collect policy proceeds.
• Location and explanation of title documents and other records relating to your assets. Include deeds, stocks, bonds, bank accounts and deposits, retirement plans and vehicle titles.
• Identify obligations involving periodic payments, such as your home mortgage, car loans and other debts, including amount and to whom payable.
• Identify your attorney and professional advisers (including your accountant, broker, trust officer, and insurance agent) who you currently use or recommend.
• Key employees and business friends to keep business operating until sale. The value of an ongoing business is much greater than a closed one!
• All of this day-to-day stuff organized and in one place is an expression of my love for them. It is my gift to those I love now that I’m gone.

Here’s some additional insights and I personally think are really helpful articles, courtesy of consumer advocate, Clark Howard and AARP‘s grief section, in the event you want to do a little more reading for yourself. And, like we always say around here … “It’s no longer about being the best Doctor in the world anymore. It’s about being the best Doctor, husband, spouse, father, wife, FOR the world, FOR your family, FOR your kids and FOR your grand kids.”

• Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney FAQs
• The Widow(er)’s Limit Provision of Social Security
• Submit a request regarding a deceased user’s account
• What Happens to Your Gmail Account When You Die? Here’s How to Control It
• How to set your Google account to delete itself after you die
• 7 Steps for Widows and Widowers to Manage Their First Year Alone
• If you have a Legacy Contact access key
• Learn how to add a Legacy Contact for your Apple ID.
• Learn what you should know if you were added as a Legacy Contact.
• Learn how to remove Activation Lock.
• Social Security Widow(er)’s Insurance Benefits
• How to prepare your Google account for when you pass away
• How to access iPhone content when someone passes away
• Family Caregiving Doesn’t End When the Recipient Dies – These steps can lessen the workload
• How To Make Your Online Accounts Accessible When You Die
• Help Your Family by Planning Your Funeral in Advance
• What to do about Apple devices and iCloud content when the owner dies
• Adult children may be on the hook for nursing home bills
• Not having a will can affect your kids when you die
• The Emotional Challenges of End-of-Life Caregivers
• Revocable Living Trust and Will? Or Trust only?
• What Happens to Your Debts After You Die? – 5 things your loved ones will have to do
• What you need to know about bereavement fares
• Coping With Loss — One Step at a Time
• Your Final Wish To-Do List
• Harassed for the debt of a deceased family member
• Adjusting to a New Normal After Trauma or Illness
• Tax on Inhereted bank account , homes, & IRA?
• How to Process the Death of an ‘Ex’
• What Happens to Travel Miles and Hotel Points When You Die?
• Advocating for a ‘Good’ Death — Discussing end-of-life wishes early on can make the final days easier for everyone
• What Is a Thrift Savings Plan?
• Filing Federal Income Taxes for the Deceased – Follow these tips to reduce stress
• Checklist of What to Do After Someone Dies – Practical steps to take in the early days
• Filing Taxes for the Deceased – Follow these tips to reduce stress

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